Written by Suislide (I'm really staring to love his reviews.)
Yes. GUN. Thats exactly what you will be buying after you play this heap of shit. Most likely you will kill yourself or the developers. This game is the biggest pile of dog shit ever. Not to mention asspy and gamespot give it half decent scores. Definatley not dick sucking money whores *cough* yeah right*cough*
Graphics: Oh fuck someone just beemed me back into the year 2000! This game has THE WORST fucking graphics of 2005 by far. For a second i thought I bought the wrong game and instead got some garbage bin game. Well techinically I did but anyways this game just looks fucking hideous. The graphics in this game are the reason why the Iraq war isnt going so well. They are attacking us because we produce such ugly piles of shit such as this. This game just looks bad... and we arent talking fat girl at school bad... this is someone just got elbowed in the twat and then took a dump on it bad. First of all ALL THE TEXTURES are low res... not a single half decent looking texture in the game. They all look like they came from 2000. Hell quake 3 looks better than this game. The enviornments are BLAND AS HELL. Theres nothing in them except sometimes a few low polygon rocks, a low res textured grass field and maybe a few shitty looking trees. Hell all the models in this game have to have a max of maybe 800 polygons which is low as hell considering most models in half life 2 were 2000-6000. Seriously it just looks like plain ass. The first person weapon models are embarassingly bad. So they threw in HDR and some gay bloom effect for good measure. Now my eyes hurt like hell when i play and i have to stare at shit stained graphics! Everything is bland, the towns are bland, the levels are all ugly and annoying looking. Infact everytime you exit or leave a building theres a slight stutter and no its not my computer. When it goes close up to the models faces the texture on their face looks fucked up. Everything is barely detailed and just has crappy low res textures slapped over everything. This game has the worst fucking graphics that stephen hawking is going to be able to walk. Its going to scare the shit out of him to look at it that hes going to try and run away.
Sound: This game sounds like this turd burgler of a game was recorded on an old vinyl record from the 1920s. THIS GAME SOUNDS FUCKING HIDEOUS. All the actual in game sounds sound like they were recorded at 11khz. Everything sounds muffled and shitty. My dogs head exploded from hearing this game. Then when it goes to the movie scenes its like they then just decided to use 44khz sound....The voice acting isn't bad but thats because they dished out tons of money to get professional voice actors. Although that doesn't save the game worth a shit because everything else in this fucking pile of feces sounds terrible. The gunshots, the enemies, the explosions ALL sound like crap.
Gameplay: This is where the game really shows potential. And by potential i mean the potential chance that someone will beat the shit out of the developers for making such a shitastic game. So the game is in 3rd person and you get guns. Next you aim the gun at the enemies and fire. Sometimes you have to reload. Thats it. Thats the whole game. You get abunch of different retarded weapons that all seem the same, rifle, shotgun or pistol. There is the SUPER COOL QUICKDRAW MODE where the game goes in first person to show like what a piece of shit it looks like and then you can press left or right to automatically aim at an enemy. Wow. Way to make the game hard. Also to recharge your health apparently whisky does that job. Theres so many god damn whiskey bottles everywhere to refill yours that i could smash my face against the keyboard and win this game. Its so god damn easy. Hell the only thing the AI does is either Run at you or duck very poorly behind some shitty object. Everyone now and then an indian or other person will shoot at you. To dodge tap left and WOW THATS IT. THis game is fucking stupid and easy.
You can also do some homosexual side quests which are basically kill this guy to get money. THen you can use the money to upgrade your weapons or health shit. It barely makes a difference. Might as well shove the disc up your ass because its harder doing that. Not to mention that every single ass-ramming mission is either protection or escort. EVERYONE FUCINGLOVES THAT. Review sites must have been paid to give this game even an average score. What a pile of fecal matter.
Story: You are your bum fucking dad who should shave kill aniamls for money. Then your dad who isnt really your dad is an asshat and tries to get some item thing. Some other evil guy wants the item as well. THen you go and meet some slut hooker in town. About this time i snapped the disc over my knee and set it on fire.
The game is probably going to be the worst game of 2005 0.5/10